Dear Amy: I’m a girl in 11th grade.

In my freshman year, I made friends with “Ruby.”

Over time I came to understand that I needed to end the friendship due to Ruby’s troubling behavior toward others and with me.

Now, two years later, I have a new friend, “Sammie,” who is also friends with Ruby.

I only hang out with Sammie when Ruby is not present.

On several occasions when I was talking with Sammie, Ruby joined the conversation.

I was cordial, but I tried to limit my contact.

Now, when I see Ruby in the hall at school, Ruby waves enthusiastically and calls my name excitedly.

I don’t want any contact with Ruby. I don’t want any association with this person’s bad actions, including occasionally being violent.

I don’t want to confront Ruby to say I’m not interested in friendship, but Ruby keeps making attempts, suggesting renewing the friendship.

How can I gently distance myself from Ruby without causing conflict or hurting this person’s feelings?

– Desperate for Distance

Dear Desperate: I think that you should continue along the careful course you’ve already set. Be polite, non-committal, and avoidant.

Ruby might have changed somewhat during the many months you’ve successfully been distant, and while you should stay open to that possibility, you should not hang out with someone – anyone– who makes you uncomfortable.

If Ruby confronts you about your distance, you might say something like, “I’m just hanging back, like usual.”

Don’t let yourself be drawn in. You don’t need to answer loaded questions. Just be quiet and polite.

You don’t seem to have discussed Ruby with “Sammie” in any depth, and I also think this is wise, although I caution you that if Ruby hasn’t really changed, Sammie might be drawn into a friendship drama-triangle with Ruby at one point, Sammie at another, and you at the third.

You might wonder if Sammie is making the right choice regarding a friendship with this challenging person, but that friendship decision should be up to Sammie.

All of this is a reminder of what a social mine-field high school can be, but you seem well-equipped to handle these challenges.

If you were in my class, I’d give you extra-credit for being both sensitive and smart.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.