Dear Amy: I admit it, I’m bossy and controlling.

My husband of 30 years naturally pushes back when I pressure him too much, and I try very hard to accept that he’s an adult and is entitled to his choices if they don’t affect me. It’s taken a long time to get there, and reading your column has helped!

But he has put on a lot of weight recently and is now at an unhealthy weight, with a big waistline (not good for a 65-year-old).

I squandered my allotment of unsolicited advice years ago, but now it really matters! I hoped a recent doctor visit would bring about a realization, but evidently she said nothing to him about his weight.

I think doctors are just wary of advising people about weight these days, but he was pretty thin until 20 years ago, and has never paid attention to his weight.

I don’t know what to do now.

Any advice on how I can get him to accept that some changes need to be made?

I’ve had a heart to heart about how I want him around for a long time, but it didn’t result in any changes.

– Still Bossy, But Trying

Dear Bossy: According to you, your husband was “pretty thin until 20 years ago.” So his weight gain does not seem to be all that sudden (although he might have reached a new threshold recently).

You describe yourself as bossy and controlling, and while I applaud your efforts over time to change, your entire narrative is a search for ways to boss and control your husband, now. Your perspective seems to be that this would be the perfect time to offer lots of unsolicited advice to your husband, but you’ve used up your lifetime supply.

Your husband already knows he is overweight. He might in fact have discussed this with his physician – but maybe he doesn’t want to discuss it with you.

You should ask – not tell – your husband if there are ways he would join you in establishing or maintaining a healthier lifestyle. Would he join you on a daily long walk? (Perhaps he would rather plug into a juicy podcast and go on his own.)

Otherwise, my instinct is that the less you worry, push, and interfere, the more your husband may face the realization that he (not you) bears the responsibility for his own life and health.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.