Dear Amy: My husband and I were thrilled recently to have the opportunity to leave town for one night. My parents offered to watch our 4-year-old son for the 24 hours we were gone. My folks live locally and have spent a lot of time with their grandson, but they’ve never done the overnight thing before.

We left our folks very prepared with pre-made meals, and we were confident that everything would be fine.

Just after we arrived at our destination (a four-hour drive) we got a call from my sister, who said that our son had been taken to the ER because of an allergic reaction to peanuts.

My parents know about our son’s nut allergy. We do have peanut butter in the house, but after discovering this allergy a couple of years ago, we of course never give him peanuts in any form.

Turns out that my dad decided to give him some peanut butter on a cracker “as a snack.”

We raced home, and by then everybody was home. My sister was at our house with our son. He was fine and in bed. My parents had gone back to their house.

I called them the next morning to hear what had happened and my dad told me he had given our son peanut butter. I would have been completely understanding if he had told me that they’d forgotten about the allergy, but he didn’t say that. He said basically that he “didn’t believe” in this allergy and he didn’t think this would be a big deal (I guess until our son’s throat closed and they raced him to the hospital).

My husband and I are livid. We don’t like to use access to our child as a way to punish our folks, but given that they haven’t apologized, we decided to “take a break” from having our son spend time with them. This included not seeing them on Christmas.

We don’t want to overreact or make everything worse, and we’re both wondering what you think.

– Appalled Parents

Dear Appalled: So far, your reaction to this emergency seems proportional.

I wonder why your parents are stewing in their juice, rather than simply admitting to having made a mistake and showing relief that your son is OK.

I assume they are embarrassed and prideful. And now they are behaving like children – hiding under their blanket, rather than admit their mistake.

I suggest that you (their daughter) pay them a visit in order to clarify everything that happened. Give them the opportunity to take a step or two toward you. They really do need to demonstrate that they understand this risk and that they will never repeat their mistake. They should also apologize to you, your husband, and your son (“I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean to hurt you.”).

I don’t think your folks are competent enough to be with him overnight, but I hope you can move on.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.