Dear Amy: I’m the mother of two adults.

My daughter has my only two grandchildren.

I moved to another state after retirement for about six years and during those six years I traveled back for every holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc.

I recently moved back and it’s TOTALLY different.

My daughter favors her in-laws. She has allowed the kids to call my brother and his wife “grandparents.”

I don’t get invited to “hang out” with her, “the in-laws” and “the grandparents.” I feel replaced.

How can I address this without destroying what little relationship I have?

– Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: I suggest that you stay calm and take this in careful stages.

In-between special occasions, your daughter’s family has chugged along according to a basic pattern. You are going to have to look for ways to integrate into their lives.

Setting aside the choice to refer to your brother and his wife as “grandparents,” (what’s with that?), I suggest that you should invite the whole family (including in-laws) for a barbecue or meal in your new home.

Also, share your concern with your daughter: “I feel like I’m struggling here. Can you help me find ways to spend more time with the family?”

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“Ask Amy” is coming to an end on June 30, 2024, after 21 years. You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.