With Thanksgiving in a few days and a plethora of winter holidays to follow, the season can be challenging for some folks spending it alone or away from home. But like many things, there’s a spectrum of holiday celebrations that vary from person to person, something I became fairly accustomed to firsthand during undergrad and graduate school. Through the years, I gained an understanding that traditions have a beginning, and there’s no harm in building out what a traditional holiday can look like for you, whether it’s with chosen family or a personal day of care.

Here are a few tips and tricks to celebrate and not succumb to the holiday blues from a chronic loner (by choice and circumstance) who loves the holiday season.

Friendsgiving

No list of non-traditional holiday alternatives is complete without the now universal tradition that emphasizes chosen family. Friendsgiving blends friends, Thanksgiving and gathering for a large meal on or before the holiday. This is the most common option, allowing you to lean into the holiday spirit but with a contemporary twist. In 2019, while away from home at graduate school, I experienced my first big Friendsgiving. We opted for a potluck approach, and I claimed responsibility for three side dishes: baked mac and cheese, dressing and broccoli cheese casserole. If you enjoy cooking like me, this option is the best, as you get to make food for those you love. As the sole Southerner of the group, I was incredibly excited to introduce my friends who hailed from the northeast and Oakland some good dressing from scratch. While I opted for these more traditional dishes, others brought their favorite foods, such as pizza, tamales, pasta, and fried chicken. To top off the festivities, add some games like charades, Taboo, and Uno. Or get a 2K tournament going or play a few rounds in Fortnite. Without the pressure of tradition, you can enjoy the company of your chosen family creating your own rules.

Me-Day

Sometimes, the holidays are not that big of a deal, marking a time for us to reset and get the day off from work. If this is more your cup of tea, think about the Me-Day approach. A Me-Day is precisely what it sounds like: a day all about you and the things that bring you joy. If you want to sleep in, catch those Zs. If you want a hearty breakfast of your favorite pancakes or a big bowl of cereal, please indulge. If you love planning, this option is perfect for you; by keeping yourself preoccupied with things you enjoy, the holiday will breeze by. This option was excellent in 2017 when work schedules precluded me from spending time with family. Since I couldn’t travel due to only having Christmas day off and working a half day on Christmas Eve, I created the perfect at-home spa day filled with relaxation and gluttonous meals of my favorites: sushi, BBQ, shrimp, a plethora of pizza and my favorite wine by Stella Rosa. I indulged in relaxing skincare for the spa day portion, with face masks, lip scrubs, a steam treatment, a very relaxing bubble bath, and a hair mask. Then, to top off the Me-Day, I bundled up on the couch for a marathon of my favorite films and long-neglected Netflix queue. As the holiday passed, I felt refreshed and happy with the time I spent pouring into myself.

Virtual Gathering

When you can’t be physically near your loved ones, take it digital. Whether you’ve moved from home, gone off to college, or living through the height of a pandemic lockdown, today’s technology gives us a method to commune together. While video hosting options vary from FaceTime to Skype, Zoom is the most tech-friendly universal software that even your most technically challenged loved ones can operate. First, compile a list of folks you’d like to include and send the calendar invite. Allow some buffer time to troubleshoot any technical issues that may arise. Then, the fun part is creating fun games and recipe cards to share at least one course together. There’s no hard, fast rule; simply make it work for your community.

Carry On, to Stay Strong

While these other creative options allow you to tweak or create new traditions, sometimes that can be too much. It’s important to honor your feelings about the holiday season or traditions shared with loved ones, and the best solution is to treat it like a regular old day. For this option, I recommend entirely unplugging to avoid unwanted seasonal greetings or holiday social media posts. This option has been a go-to for a few years throughout my 20s to prevent any triggers when the season feels too heavy to bear. If you can’t completely turn off your phone for emergency purposes, let loved ones know in advance that you’d rather opt out of holiday texts and calls. Put your phone on do-not-disturb or turn off social media notifications until the end of the holiday. Sitting with your feelings can be productive, and when I’ve chosen this route, journaling helped immensely. If this is for you, remember to be kind and give yourself grace, that no holiday celebration is binary, and how you celebrate (or not) is up to you.