Dear Annie: My friend says, “you know what I’m saying,” after nearly every sentence in conversations. She used to not do this very annoying habit, but it has become routine when she talks. It has become a kind of pause, a nervous talking habit or something. It drives me to distraction, to the point where I no longer want to talk to her. She will use that expression at least 20 times in a short conversation.

Should I bring this up? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but it’s ruining our relationship. Along with that, she is constantly doing things while on the phone, such as cleaning dishes and yard work. I have asked her to please stop all that and sit and talk, but to no avail. What should I do? — You Know What I’m Sayin’?

Dear You Know: Yes, I do know what you are saying. But my guess is that your friend is clueless.

People use that phrase when they want some sort of contact or acknowledgement that you agree with them and understand what they are saying. All you can do is tell her how you feel and remind her to stop. You should do this in a loving way each time she relies on the phrase. You’re right; it is like a nervous tic.

When she does the dishes and other things while speaking with you, it is understandable that you don’t like it because you don’t feel that your conversation is important to her. Since she has not responded back to this, next time she starts doing other things, just remind her of your conversation and say you have to get off the phone if she doesn’t stop.

However, while telling her of your feelings, try not to be super critical of your friend. If you suspect that you get annoyed very easily, you might want to examine that.

Dear Annie: I just finished reading the letter in your column about the grandson being hazed in his private school. The school’s coach and principal basically did nothing.

I agree with your advice that it is great that the young man is seeing a counselor, but I would go one step further. The private school can be made to pay for his counseling or even medication, if needed.

I am sure a letter from a lawyer would help. The family might consider a lawsuit.

The family might never know how many students they will help by making this school and administration accountable. This situation was handled so wrong on so many levels.

I LOVE your column, and you help me do my exercise bike as I read it! — A Retired Schoolteacher from Arkansas

Dear Teacher: Thank you for your kind words. I always love hearing from professionals, and I’m glad we agree that the school really dropped the ball. You make a wonderful suggestion that the school pay for the victim’s counseling.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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