Dear Eric: My daughter-in-law wants a much closer relationship with me than I feel comfortable with. She began calling me “mom” when she and my son first got engaged. I’ve told her several times that I would prefer to be called by my first name, but she still calls me mom.

A few months after the wedding, she began dropping by my house unannounced. I asked her to stop; she acted like I was kidding. The issue came to a head one day when she dropped by while I was in the shower. She let herself in with a key she had copied from my son’s keychain. I let my anger get the best of me and I spoke harshly to her. Later that day she sent a long email about how hurt she is that I “play favorites” by allowing my college-age son to come and go as he pleases, but I want her to call first.

Now she is pregnant, and it’s gotten worse. She texts me multiple times a day in the voice of the baby. “Good Mowning Grammy! I kept my mommy up all night with the burpies. Did my daddy ever do that when he was in your belly?” She wants me and her mother to go to her appointments and be in the delivery room. I have no idea how to manage my relationship with her in a way that doesn’t cause strife in my son’s marriage.

– Overwhelmed by Affection

Dear Affection: She’s eager and probably struggling to figure you out, but it’s time to say night-night to some of these widdle habits.

Coming into your house unannounced with a key she wasn’t given isn’t a whoopsie daisy. She’s an adult and can understand that ignoring boundaries isn’t a sign of love.

In a calm moment, talk to her about respect. Explain that you love her and want to build a relationship with her, but when she does these things, it feels disrespectful to you.

If she interprets your boundaries as slights against her or jokes, that’s a red flag. It’s manipulative.

She may not have had good models for this kind of relationship (unclear what’s going on with her own mom), but if she’s not open to hearing you, you can’t build something healthy. Ask your son for insight but frame your talk around what you want your relationship to be, not what you have problems with.

Forcing yourself to go to appointments will only create more resentment. So, decline. “I don’t think that works for me, but I can’t wait for the baby shower.” As to the baby talk texts … oh my goo-goo-gah-gah; I can’t believe I’m going to write this … ignore it for now. You can’t win them all.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.