DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate knowing your perspective on the ubiquity of online donation requests following a death.

These opportunists are rarely the directly bereaved, but rather an ostensibly well-meaning friend or relative asking on their behalf. One fundraiser was set with a goal of $20,000 for the bereaved widow. The platform displays an “honor roll” of who has given what amount; it appears that donors are able to remain anonymous (although most choose not to), while their donation amounts are still displayed.

It seems a bit insulting to both the departed and the bereaved, publicly implying that the departed failed to prepare for this eventuality and irresponsibly left their loved ones destitute.

I am a generous person and have donated my funds and/or time to many causes, often substantially. But this money grab, often mere hours after a death, feels very tacky. In these cases, I opt not to give via the public platform, but instead send my condolences. On occasion, when a need was evident, I have sent a private donation directly to the primary bereaved individual.

I am satisfied with this approach. But what say you about the use of these online platforms?

GENTLE READER: Putting aside legality, ethics and tastefulness — which seems to be the common practice, Miss Manners has noticed — the etiquette question is: Under what circumstances may someone else make such a request on behalf of the principal mourners?

She is forced to conclude that this must not be done during what must already be a time of enormous suffering. In a perfect world, that would put an end to the practice.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.