DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old single mom. All four of my children live at home. My oldest daughter is also a single mom, with two beautiful children. She’s in college so she can get a good-paying job.

I have another daughter who is in her 20s and has intellectual delays. She lies around the house reading her phone or using her computer. She’s very messy and refuses to take care of herself or help with household chores.

A third daughter is also in college, but she lives in a dorm. When she’s home, she’s also kind of sloppy, and my son is beyond messy. There’s trash and dirty dishes all over his room. If I say anything, he ignores me. What would you do? — MESSED UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MESSED UP: You have created this monster of a problem by failing to assert your authority as a parent. What I would do is something you should have done at LEAST 15 years ago: Tell the “children” what is expected of them, and what the penalty will be for ignoring you. Then, if they don’t shape up, show them the door. You have given your children everything except the incentive to take care of themselves.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.