DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a theater professional. My job involves giving honest (but hopefully never brutal) critiques of actors during the rehearsal process. My reputation for results and professionalism is very valuable to me — monetarily, professionally and personally.

Even though I try to avoid it, I am frequently introduced to an actor’s family members after performances. My reserve of small talk with actors’ families is pitifully small, unless the actor hits their role out of the park — which, I am glad to report, happens frequently. In that case, I can gush over them honestly and enthusiastically.

But can you suggest some things that I can say to actors’ families when the actor hasn’t excelled in their performance?

I cannot be heard endorsing a subpar performance, but I feel like my chosen line for the family of an underperformer — “How do you feel, seeing him/her up there?” — falls a bit flat and leaves me without a polite follow-up.

GENTLE READER: Ordinarily, Miss Manners would be explaining how to tell when those who ask for criticism actually want it, and when it is only compliments that are being solicited (almost always).

But you are quite right that you cannot deliver casual niceties, because they will be taken — and probably widely quoted — as your professional judgment.

Miss Manners was in a similar position in a previous life, when she was a drama critic. Her solution was to say enthusiastically to those relatives, “You must be very proud.” It worked every time.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.