Dear Amy: Several years ago, I was involved in projects with a female friend (I’m a man).

I occasionally made jokes and said things that in retrospect I realize were inappropriate. She finally set me straight.

Then Covid and the MeToo movement hit, and I had time to revisit a number of things that at the time I felt were innocent remarks or actions, but were in fact wrong.

We have since become friends again, but I occasionally think that I’d like to apologize for every time I made her uncomfortable.

I know there are other men who have been even guiltier than I, but they have never apologized. Do I need to?

Would my apologizing now, years later, be just for my benefit – or would it be a kind gesture to a good friend?

– Conflicted

Dear Conflicted: Other people doing worse things than you have done should not enter into your equation. You cannot justify your own choices by finding negative examples to compare yourself to.

There is no downside for you to apologize to your friend for mistakes, “jokes” or comments you made years ago. She called you out at the time, and your friendship took a hit, but seems to have recovered.

Maya Angelou said it best: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

An apology would definitely benefit you, and offering forgiveness (if necessary) would also benefit her.

You say that your friend “set you straight” at the time and that your friendship suffered.

Opening up a discussion and offering her your current perspective and understanding – along with an apology – will help both of you to close the loop on this and move forward with greater understanding and intimacy.

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“Ask Amy” is coming to an end on June 30, 2024, after 21 years. You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.