Dear Annie: This is in response to “Heart in Shambles,” who found out her boyfriend was cheating on her after his other girlfriend sent her a message.

From my personal experience, I’d bet her heart is not the only one in shambles. I’ve been married to the same man for almost 54 years. Let me just say “Heart in Shambles” could have been the women he had affairs with at different times throughout our marriage.

I could have told each of them he would never leave me or his children for either one of them. I knew this as a fact, because no matter how much I knew about his philandering, he was always here for holidays or any other celebrations or times he needed to be here. I knew he would never leave.

I won’t go into the whys of my decision to stay with him; they are varied and complicated. And every time I read a letter such as hers, I almost feel sorry for women like that.

As an aside, we have both been retired for over a decade, and we are growing older happily, in spite of the heartaches. But whether I speak it out loud or not, the pain and humiliation are still there no matter how much time has passed.

Please continue to advise those like “Heart in Shambles” that they can do better and they should always choose to do better. — Cracked but Not in Shambles

Dear Cracked: Time heals most wounds, but scars are a different story.

I am glad you and your husband were able to find happiness on the other side of infidelity, though I’m sorry to hear you’re still carrying that pain.

Thanks for the perspective.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].