Dear Amy: My aunt has fallen on hard financial times and has begun leaning on me. Although she has a daughter, two stepsons, a nephew, and the biological father of the granddaughter she is raising, I’m the only one willing to help.

Others are quite able but unwilling due to choosing not to work, refusing to pay child support, or falling out over the years.

I have agreed to directly deposit a certain amount of money into her account every month, but she consistently asks for more.

I’ve suggested she reach out to the others instead of solely relying on me, but she appears to make little effort.

I am giving her what I can without wrecking my own financial plans.

Do you have any suggestions about how to say “No” to further requests without seeming heartless?

I’m finding it difficult to refuse, but I’m feeling angry and taken advantage of, not only by my aunt, but by the others standing by and not helping.

– Nurturing Niece

Dear Niece: I assume that your concern about the child your aunt is raising is an important part of your motivation to extend ongoing generosity. I agree with your instinct to continue to protect yourself; this is vital.

You don’t mention details about your aunt’s work status or spending habits, but you should determine whether she is sending some of your funds out the door to deadbeat relatives.

One way to respond when she asks for more funds would be: “Tell me – what else are you doing to raise this money?” Be completely straightforward: “This is the limit to what I can give.”

Help her to explore and apply for jobs and social services.

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“Ask Amy” is coming to an end on June 30, 2024, after 21 years. You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.