As Congress passed a bill that challenges the future of social media platform TikTok the U.S., its trending videos continue to gather millions of views, including a viral video making some reconsider their family history.

Lea Denim’s “Hearing Your Grandmother’s ‘Love Story’” video has gone viral, gathering over 17 million views since being posted on April 14.

In only 15 seconds the video brings up events of years past, and questions our understanding of our loved ones’ experiences, illuminating the reality that many of our grandfathers were narcissists, predators, or abusers.

“Then I met him, and he wouldn’t leave my father’s store. For three weeks, he camped outside, he would throw rocks through my window with notes that said ‘please go out with me,’ says Denim, emulating a fictional grandmother character.

She then turns around, back to playing herself, and replies “Grandma, you little victim. What the f*ck?”

The video has gathered thousands of stitches, with users around the world sharing raw stories of their own family histories, often intertwined with depictions of child marriage, sexual assault, and other forms of abuse and coercion.

Content creator @sweetlike__ used the opportunity to share her great-grandmother’s story of being kidnapped and forced to work on a farm by the man who became her husband, the user’s great-grandfather.

“My great grandma would tell my mom all the time how she just always struggled being with him which I mean, it’s like, that is stockholm syndrome that you developed. It’s not even love,” she said.

Another creator, Vanessa R. Perez shared details of her great-grandparents’ story. When they met, she was 16 and he was a 61-year-old litigator who lured her into taking care of his sick son, later impregnating her.

“He tricked her and stole my grandmother from her bedroom when she was a year old, and she didn’t get to see her mother again until she was I think 17,” she said in the video.

The trend highlights the widespread influences of abuse and control at the hands of our paternal lineage, which can be a harrowing realization to come to terms with.

Licensed therapist Sophie Cress says she’s watched many of the videos stitching the original creator and felt a mix of surprise and discomfort as the videos highlight the complex and multifaceted nature of relationships.

“While some stories describe genuine affection and love between partners, others reveal a backdrop of coercion, limited choices, and patriarchal pressures. It’s important to acknowledge that many of these women had little agency over their lives, with their roles largely defined by the men around them,” she said.

These experiences may not be as distant in the past as we think, as some legal protection to support women’s independence is fairly recent. Women could not open a credit card until 1974, with banks allowed to refuse to issue credit to an unmarried woman and require a husband to cosign if she was before the Equal Credit Opportunity Act passed. Employers could also refuse to hire a pregnant woman until 1978.

“Your grandparents didn’t get married ‘cause they wanted to, they got married because they had to and while you watched your grandfather be happy as a clam doing whatever the fuck he wanted, your grandmother was taking the girls of the family aside and warning them to never, ever depend on a man,” said sex therapist and clinical sexologist Danielle Kramer in a stitched video.

For many of our grandmothers, great-grandmothers and the generations before, marriage may not have been a union of love, but rather a means of surviving oppression, and experts say its effects could be long-lasting and passed down through lineage.

What is generational trauma?

According to Psychology Today, because birthing people carry all their eggs in their ovaries from the time they are a fetus in their mothers’ womb, daughters, mothers, and grandmothers all share the same biological environment, meaning we are exposed to the emotions of the maternal figures in our lineage before we are even born.

Generational trauma is, or intergenerational trauma, refers to this inherited trauma which can stem from cultural or economic events like racism and war, to personal experiences such as mental or physical abuse, leading to health conditions like anxiety, depression, heart disease, and PTSD. Cress says that long periods of oppression such as the Holocaust and slavery can affect generations for hundreds of years.

“The impact of slavery on African American communities is still evident through the lasting effects on cultural narratives, identity, and collective memory. Similarly, the effects of colonization and forced assimilation on indigenous communities worldwide create generational trauma, which can have ongoing effects on their culture, traditions, and community cohesion,” Cress said.

Host of “The Divorce Survival Guide” podcast and divorce coach Kate Anthony helps people navigate the nuances of separation, marriage, and abusive relationships. She told Reckon that generational trauma operates on two tracks, one being in our DNA, and the other showing up in our experiences with others.

“The trauma impacts the way we function in relationships, so a parent who suffers trauma will parent with that infusing their day-to-day actions, interrupting healthy attachment with their children or having shorter tempers,” Anthony said.

While we cannot change our DNA, we can work to not further perpetuate the cycle.

“No one is immune from the effects of generational trauma. This is part of why it’s not a good idea to stay in a toxic or abusive marriage “‘for the kids’,” said Anthony.

Cress also told Reckon that we see generational trauma reflected in parenting styles.

“If a grandmother has experienced abuse, coercion, or significant hardships, she may raise her children with heightened caution or overprotectiveness. This often results in a cycle where the mother, in turn, raises her children with similar caution, limiting their freedom or imposing strict boundaries to protect them from perceived dangers. As a result, the daughter might grow up feeling restricted, leading to feelings of resentment or rebellion,” said Cress.

Additionally, generational trauma can manifest as negative beliefs about relationships. Cress cited an example in which a grandmother experienced an unequal, abusive, or coercive marriage and communicated cautionary tales or warnings to her daughter.

“By internalizing these lessons, the daughter might approach her own relationships with skepticism or distrust, perpetuating the cycle. Consequently, the daughter, influenced by her mother’s experiences, might find it challenging to form healthy relationships or view partnerships and marriage with apprehension,” she said.

Child marriage still exists in the U.S., still legal in 80% of U.S. states, according to the 19th. Though cultural shifts in gender and marriage have changed how we view relationships,Cress says saying “that’s just the way things were done back then” offers context for certain behaviors or customs but should not be used to minimize the harm past actions inflicted on those involved, including our grandmothers.

“Although young girls marrying older men was more common in the past due to cultural, religious, or economic factors, it should not excuse or justify these practices, especially when they perpetuate abuse or inequality,” said Cress.

For those coming to the realization that their grandparent’s love story may sound more like a Grimm’s Fairy Tale than a Disney one, navigating these emotions can be difficult.

“It’s normal to feel a sense of loss, betrayal, or even guilt as we grapple with the fact that the people we loved and looked up to were either victims of or complicit in a darker past. We should acknowledge that our emotions are valid and take the time to recognize them,” said Cress.

She says it’s also important to recognize the role of resilience and solidarity among generations of women.

“While harmful patterns can be passed down through generational trauma, there is also a rich history of women supporting each other and finding ways to navigate oppressive systems. This solidarity can be a source of strength, as mothers, daughters, and grandmothers share their stories to empower one another and foster strong bonds.”