Dear Annie: He would not respect my boundaries

Dear Annie: About one year ago, I ended my very first relationship. We were together for about six months. He was a horrible boyfriend, but that was only the beginning of it. He sexually violated me the entire time we were together. He didn’t listen to a single thing I asked him to either do or not do. He would kiss me even when I told him I didn’t want to kiss him, sit close by me when I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, and touch my legs no matter what I did.

When it was happening, I pinned the blame on myself. I thought I was just scared to do all of this stuff because I’d never done it before. But now I realize it wasn’t my fault.

I haven’t seen or talked to him since I broke up with him. But since then, I’ve been tortured by the thought of him. Everything reminds me of him and makes me feel anxious. I told myself things would get better and in a month I’d be back to normal. But it’s been a year and I still feel tortured remembering what happened. Every night, I’m scared to fall asleep because my dreams are filled with him sexually abusing me. What do I do? — Desperate

Dear Desperate: It is horrendous that your ex-boyfriend treated you so poorly.

Intimate relationships are premised on the idea of feeling safe enough around one another to be vulnerable. He turned that on its head. I’m sorry this happened. But I promise you won’t feel this way forever. With the help of the right people, you can process what happened, seek justice and begin to experience life again.

Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or visit rainn.org to connect with trained specialists who can help you identify the next steps in the path toward healing.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].