Dear Amy: My wife and I have a 14-month-old baby. Overall we have adjusted pretty well to parenthood.

My wife works full time and I’m scheduled to take grad school classes three days a week, so we have been looking into daycare. We checked out some places and all had plusses and minuses. The one we thought might be the best for us is very close to my wife’s office, so it would be convenient to have our baby there.

We made an appointment and went over to tour the place.

It was clean and organized. There are about 10 babies in the “yellow room,” our child’s age group. When we went to look at the room, three of the babies were crying and the caregivers in the room were interacting with each other and did not respond to the babies.

We asked the director about this and she said that they don’t as a rule always respond to babies who cry because letting them cry “teaches them resilience.” She made this sound like their “best practice” policy.

Is this true? Should we feel comfortable leaving our child there?

– Concerned

Dear Concerned: Does ignoring babies when they cry teach them resilience?

No.

Mainly, neglect makes babies anxious. And so they cry more.

It’s an inescapable fact that babies do cry. Adults cannot always respond instantly when babies cry, and that’s life.

But should ignoring crying babies be a governing principle in a business where their sole function is to take care of babies and children? No. That’s nonsense.

Keep looking. Look for human warmth, a “pop in anytime” policy, and (if this appeals to you) cameras that allow you to monitor what’s going on.

Check online reviews, talk to people, and check out their social media presence.

And remember, it’s called day care, not don’t care.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.