Dear Annie: My huge regret is the time I gave to my spouse

Dear Annie: I’m responding to “Feeling Sad,” the woman who moved up north away from a man she’d been with for seven years. A great deal of her story was like mine.

I had a stillborn baby and he cheated because “I wasn’t any fun.” The neglect, no backup, dismissals, all matched mine. I spent 30 years with him because I couldn’t figure out how to find the exit, how to leave, and because we had children together I was concerned for.

Now I am 70 and can give feedback in hindsight. My huge regret is the time I gave to him. The time I cannot get back. Forgiving myself for that is my current challenge.

He is not more important than you are. Your 40s are a wonderful time to start over. You have already left. Have the courage to stay up north and build a new life. Trust me, you will never look back.

Dear Never Look Back: That took a great deal of courage on your part. Thank you for sharing your letter. I’m very sorry for the loss of your baby and that you didn’t have a partner who was kind and empathetic to you.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].