Dear Annie: My daughter won’t have anything to do with because I don’t share her religion

Dear Annie: I have a 47-year-old daughter who will not speak or have anything to do with me because I’m not in her religion. This has affected me greatly since her kids, my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren live on her land. She has forbidden me to come near her or her children.

How can I get around this? I was at one time in the religion but was disfellowshipped because of smoking. I am in the process of quitting but even if I do, the collateral damage has been done. My grandkids don’t call or come see me. Please advise what to do. Thank you. — Unbeliever

Dear Unbeliever: This sounds like a cult and not a traditional religion. If they use words like “disfellowship,” something seems off.

But since you were once in the religion, then we’ll assume it is not a cult from which she needs deprogramming. It’s important to recognize that you cannot change your daughter’s beliefs or decisions. However, you do have agency in how you respond to the situation and how you choose to move forward.

Your best hope for reconciliation is through open and honest communication. Reach out to your daughter in a calm, non-confrontational manner, expressing your desire to make amends and emphasizing your love for her and her children. Be willing to listen to her perspective and validate her feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.

It’s also important to find sources of fulfillment outside of your family relationships. Cultivate hobbies, interests and connections that bring you happiness, and lean on your support network for encouragement.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].