Dear Annie: Our friend is a bummer at parties, starts inappropriate conversations, bossy

Dear Annie: We have a female friend that we have known for years. She lives alone and lost her leg a few years ago, which has limited her ability to venture out.

We have made sure to invite her to events like baby showers and our Christmas cookie exchange, which she tells us are a big deal for her. She always seems excited to attend, despite the fact that she tends to be a negative person.

However, over the last few years, when she attends events that my husband and I host, she bosses everyone around to the point where several of our friends have mentioned their displeasure about her being there. She has also brought up very inappropriate conversations with some of our guests, which has been extremely off-putting. This behavior occurs when both my husband and I are not present or around to hear.

We have thought about addressing this directly with her, but we are apprehensive. We’ve also thought about just not inviting her to the events, but that’s not a good solution either, as we are sure she would inquire about them. What are your thoughts about the best way to handle this? — Bummer Friend

Dear Bummer Friend: It might be uncomfortable, but having an honest conversation with your friend about her behavior is essential. Start by expressing appreciation for her presence at your events and the value she brings, and then gently segue into the specific behaviors that have been causing discomfort.

You should also offer her the opportunity to share her perspective. She may not be aware of how her actions are being perceived and might appreciate the chance to explain herself.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a solution that respects both your friend’s feelings and the comfort of your guests. With open communication and mutual understanding, you’ll be able to strike the right balance.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].