Dear Amy: Years ago, my neighbor died suddenly. His wife ran to our door for help after he collapsed, and we took all the appropriate steps. We called 911, tidied up the chaos in the house, and even found a close relative who was camping miles away. It was an honor to do so. When it was obvious the house was filled with family, we dropped off some food for the group to share.

What prompts this question is what happened afterwards.

Much later, a daughter saw me and apologized profusely for not sending a card of thanks. I was horrified to think my help also became an etiquette burden to anyone.

Most of my help since then has been via donations, scheduled help, etc.

I want to say, “Please, don’t feel an obligation to send a note or anything,” but I wonder if that’s a problem. If someone is compelled, that’s great.

But the entire purpose of helping is to relieve a burden, not add a new one.

I’ve even heard of people complaining due to not receiving a note of thanks for assistance.

If I receive help during a difficult time, am I required (on top of the difficulties) to keep a log of that and make sure notes go out?

– Etiquettely Confused

Dear Confused: Please don’t try to prevent people from thanking you, in any form.

If you receive help during a difficult time, you are not required to send notes, but acknowledging and appreciating others’ assistance helps to keep the kindness flowing.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.