Dear Annie: Others share their germs along with their food

Dear Annie: I want everyone to keep their germs to themselves. I am carefully training my children to avoid any contact with dirty hands or saliva when handling communal food. Unfortunately, few people in my world share my view.

My mother and mother-in-law routinely share their germs while preparing foods, such as eating off the stirring spoon while cooking or licking icing off their fingers in between frosting cookies. At family gatherings, most relatives touch serving utensils to their plates while dishing food (including after licking those plates!) or use dirty forks to scrape mashed potatoes off the serving spoon. I do not want to ingest the saliva of 20 relatives! One family member tasted the juice from the cup of one of my children, who was then treated to his backwash.

My mother and mother-in-law concern me the most since they prepare the majority of the food at family gatherings, and we are duty-bound to eat their cooking. I wish I could prepare the food myself, but my offers to do so have not been well-received. I was pregnant at one family gathering and got very sick afterward, and there is reason to believe that our child’s long-term health problems are a result of that illness I caught.

How can I address these germ-sharing behaviors without alienating all of our family members? Thank you! — Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out: Tact is your secret weapon here. Express your concern for health without pointing fingers. The next time you have a meal with your family, join your mother and mother-in-law in the kitchen and suggest, “Let’s all wash our hands before we start cooking!” This way, even if they touch your food, it will be with clean hands.

You could also consider gifting them with a set of tasting spoons and serving spoons to minimize licking off the spoons used in cooking.

If all else fails, have a conversation with them. If you frame it as a concern for your and your children’s health rather than a critique of their hygiene, they are less likely to take offense.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].