Dear Annie: My husbandâs grown kids from a previous marriage donât reach out to him

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to my husband for 16 years. He and his ex-wife did not end on good terms. We have never been invited to any holiday gatherings from his grown kids, who are married and have kids of their own. We are, of course, invited to all the grandkid’s birthday parties.

In the past, I have tried to plan Christmas gatherings, but my texts were ignored. I delivered Christmas gifts every year after Christmas and sometimes into March. We didn’t get to see the kids open presents.

So, last year, I decided I was not going to be Santa anymore since we are never extended an invite to join them for Christmas. My kids call me and ask what the plans are for Christmas. His kids, crickets. I feel bad for my husband because they never plan a birthday, holiday or even a visit. Father’s Day is no different. Any other blended families have this problem? — Stepmom

Dear Stepmom: This has to be most difficult on your husband, but ultimately it is up to him to repair his relationship with his adult children and find out why they ignore you and your invitations for Christmas gatherings. It is nice that you go to the grandkids’ birthday parties. This indicates that the relationship is not beyond repair. It sounds like there is hope. But it also sounds like there is a lot of anger about the divorce directed at your husband, and the best thing you can do is support your husband in taking the steps to repair any damage that was done. As your husband is mending his relationship, try not to point out to him all the terrible ways they have treated him (he knows that), but rather focus on his actions and what he can do to control himself.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].