Dear Annie: Recently, during a visit from my 50-year-old son, I was bullied, threatened, taunted and treated cruelly by him. I don’t know why. I responded indignantly while my husband said nothing. His behavior was unlike anything I had ever experienced, although I have seen him bully others many times.

I have heard no words of regret from him after many months. His behavior and my husband’s lack of response still cause me deep pain.

I continue to offer the financial support to him that I have always provided, but now I feel conflicted about it. I don’t want to make this about money because that isn’t the case. Stopping the money seems to confuse the issue, which is really about his behavior and lack of remorse. Other than ignoring him, I don’t know how to react. What is a reasonable response to his actions? — Bullied Mom

Dear Bullied: It’s high time to cut the cash flow, not as a punishment but as a reminder, to your son and yourself, that you are not an ATM. You are a living, breathing person who deserves respect and love from her family. He’ll throw a hissy fit, no doubt, but tough cookies. Most 50-year-olds don’t get allowances.

As for your husband: The only way to find out what was going through his head that day is to ask him. He might have been equally intimidated by your son. But whatever the reason, let him know you’d appreciate his backing you up should anyone treat you that way again in the future.

Dear Annie: I met my husband three weeks after I left my mentally abusive ex. At the time, my two children were 2 and 4 and “Jim” raised them as they were his own.

They’re now 22 and 24. He supported them in every way possible. Jim and I also have three beautiful children together.

Here’s the issue: Two years ago, I was having a texting exchange with my daughter, “Trish” (whom I’ve been very close to), and I became very upset. Jim asked to see what was going on and was shocked by the things that Trish was saying to me. He intervened and told her that she was abusing me and that it was unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

Trish and I have had limited contact since that day. Fast-forward to today and now she is a college graduate and four months pregnant with her boyfriend, whom I’ve never even met. I very much want to be in my grandchild’s life but my husband says if I “fold,” then I’m enabling her atrocious behavior.

This puts me right in the middle. Jim and I have a wonderful relationship, but the only time we have issues is when it comes to my two older children. We have an upcoming event where we will all be together, and I don’t know how to act toward her. Jim doesn’t want to have anything to do with her until she apologizes to me, which I just don’t see happening due to insecurity and narcissistic tendencies on her part. This is extremely upsetting, and I’m at my wits’ end with what to do. Any advice would be most appreciated! — M

Dear M: Jim’s heart is in the right place. It’s natural and healthy for partners to be protective of one another, and because you came into this relationship several weeks after getting out of an abusive one, it would be no surprise if Jim feels especially determined to shield you. But he needs to trust you to decide for yourself the degree to which you can have a relationship with your daughter.

Consider attending marriage counseling, even for just a few sessions. It can equip you with the skills for navigating the complicated dynamics at play here.

Dear readers: Annie is on vacation this week. Today’s column originally ran in 2020.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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