Dear Annie: Iâm a youth sports coach, and parents need to pay attention

Dear Annie: Recently, I retired from youth sports coaching. I am writing this letter to warn your readers about an alarming trend that I have noticed over the last decade. Namely, parents will attend their kids’ sporting events, but then spend most of the time on their smartphones.

This is very different from seeing people glued to their phone screens in an airport or doctor’s waiting room or other places in which they would not normally socialize. I am talking about the people who are parents or guardians at their kids’ practices or games.

Their actions tell their kids that they and their activities are not important enough to hold their attention. It’s a bad message. The kids do something great and look to the sidelines for parental approval and get nothing. I’ve even had parents approach me after a game to ask me to describe their child’s goal because they missed it.

There is going to be more and more tech. It’s not about the phone, as such. It is about people knowing their role as parents and having the restraint to focus their attention appropriately. Do people own phones or are they owned by them? — Former Youth Coach

Dear Former Youth Coach: Your letter brings up an important distinction. Staring at a screen is never that healthy, and there is a time when it is especially harmful — when parents are supposed to be watching and supporting their children.

While your physical presence is nice, your attention to the game, and your child, is what matters. If you are just staring at a screen, your kid doesn’t get that reassurance and love they need to do their best. They might wonder why you’re even there or if they are worth your attention.

Children watch and mimic everything. If you want to keep your child off of smartphones, put the phone down and be in the moment. Present but absent parents can cause great damage to their children.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].