Dear Annie: Weâve been supporting my granddaughter, but it is time for her to get out

Dear Annie: Our 23-year-old granddaughter and her son live with my husband and me. Her boy is 3, and she moved into our house seven months before his birth.

We are 79 and 75, and neither one of us is in the best of health. Plus, we are on a fixed income. Yet we have completely supported them for three years.

Our granddaughter has worked on and off during that time, but she has never held a steady “career-oriented” job until recently. She has never seen one penny of child support. She never applied for any aid. She is deeply in debt for a car.

I want for her to be on her own, but because of the child, I can’t throw her out. I have tried tough love, threats, everything I can think of. Do you have any ideas? — Ailing Grandma

Dear Ailing Grandma: You and your husband have been very generous with your granddaughter and great-grandson. Now that she has secured a steady, career-oriented job, offer her encouragement and praise. Focus on loving your great-grandson. He will only be a toddler for a short while, and you can have a very positive influence on his life.

Where is the boy’s father? You might help out by contacting a legal aid society that will track him down and force him to pay some child support. But the bigger picture is to talk to your granddaughter and explain how difficult it is for you and your husband to support them while you are on a fixed income. Set a date for their independence, and do this in a spirit of love, not obligation. The more she sees the world from your point of view, the more helpful she will be in paying her own way.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].