With over 770,000 likes, Tiktok user Yuni presented “The List” of why they are never having children. From “toddler sass” to potty training, their 350 cons outweighed their 35 pros. Along with these potentially harrowing experiences, other millennial women and their partners have decided on no kids for reasons including avoiding stress and having more financial freedom.

They are known as DINKS, or couples with double the income and no kids. Videos about the lifestyle have been taking over the social media platform TikTok, spurring up supporters and haters. Nevertheless, the DINK lifestyle is providing millennial women an opportunity to have a choice in deciding to be a mother rather than it feeling like a requirement, according to them.

The #DINKLIFE and its critics

The debate surrounding the #DINKLIFE trend reflects the broader societal shift towards acknowledging and respecting individual choices, especially those that deviate from traditional norms, challenging perceptions about women’s roles and life priorities.

Raised in a Pakistani household, 33 year old relationship coach and writer Sana Akhand was raised with the mentality that marriage, kids and a life in the suburbs was the only way to have a fulfilling life as a woman.

Assuming that she would have kids because the other women she knew had them too, she “didn’t personally know any women who chose to be child free until I decided to be child free. I was never fully against having kids, but I had this deep fear that I would be a horrible mother one day. When I met my husband, he told me he didn’t think he wanted to have kids. That’s when I realized – I too, have a choice, so I began to explore what a child-free life would look like for me,” Akhand said.

A Sept. 2023 study from Lending Tree found that over the 18 years to raise a child, families are projected to spend $237,482. Rather than put this money towards starting a family, a DINK couple is able to use the money saved on their own adventures or to prepare for the future. The Federal Reserve’s Survey of Consumer Finances found that the current median net worth for a couple with no kids is $250,600.

For millennial lifestyle content creator Rosie Piper, the DINK lifestyle provides a way for her and her partner to both thrive in their careers and lifestyles “as long as we feel comfortable. There is so much flexibility in a DINK lifestyle. Right now, I really enjoy the carefree aspects of life, just us two (and our dog that we do consider our child).”

Despite the TikTok hashtag #DINKLIFE, having over 800,000 views and counting, it still has its fair share of critics. For example, Tiktok user Lilly Anne and her husband, who are both 21, were recently attacked online for a Dec. 4 video about being DINKS with her husband. With the caption “Living the best life, the D.I.N.K. life,” they talked about being able to go out every night after work, not having to ask their parents to watch the kids, and buying all the bulk Costco snacks they want. Negative comments poured in, with people calling them “jerks” and saying “they must have a poor sad life.”

Akhand believes that a part of the reason why the DINK lifestyle has so many critics is because they don’t like seeing women making their own choices, especially ones that go against societal norms.

“I think people who are truly happy to be parents, don’t really care if others choose to be child free or not. Those that have a strong reaction could possibly be projecting a subconscious feeling so they get triggered to see others living a life they secretly may have wanted for themselves. I do feel for them because maybe they didn’t realize they could have chosen a child-free lifestyle and maybe now it’s too late,” Akhand said.

Recent surveys have put a spotlight on the strain and stress that motherhood can potentially have. College-educated millennial women “are now so well-versed in the statistics of modern maternal inequity that we can recite them as if we’d already experienced them ourselves,” from maternal mortality stats for Black women to the mental load in heterosexual relationships, senior policy reporter Rachel M. Cohen said in her Dec. 4 Vox feature.

The beginning of DINKS

The idea of choosing to be a DINK is not new. It has just changed in terminology. Originally called “yuppies” (or young successful professionals that could potentially have children), the switch to the term “dinks” was not welcomed with open arms according to a Feb. 1987 article from the LA Times.

“When someone I work with accused me of being a dink, it was annoying. I got so tired of being called a yuppie. Now having another label attached to my life is too much. But being part of the baby boomers means you get lumped in with everyone, marketing director Deborah Ashin told the LA Times in 1987.

Nevertheless, dinks was first defined in the article as “a shorthand way of describing the millions of baby-boom couples who work for wages and, so far, don’t have children,” according to the LA Times article’s author Nikki Finke. For numerous couples today, the decision to not have children comes down to simply not wanting them, with 56% of those surveyed in a 2021 Pew Research study citing the reason.

From vlogger and Tiktok personality Kate Anderson’s perspective, while it was difficult for them, older generations aren’t understanding how much of a different environment it is to raise children today compared to the past.

“When it comes to the people critiquing DINKs on social media – a lot of them just think EVERYTHING is about them or at least they want it to be about them,” Anderson said, who also attributed high living costs, climate change and social media as other issues that older generations did not have to deal with.

The pros, cons, and why it works for them

Some of the common pros and cons of choosing the DINK lifestyle include more free time and being able to save and invest, according to an Oct. article from Sofi Learn. On the contrary, however, there is a fear of less family support as a couple get older and potentially splurging too much rather than saving.

For Piper, she has her own pros and cons when it comes to living as a DINK.

“Pros: more flexibility in life. We have the flexibility to go out to eat often, go on trips often, invest into our hobbies, etc. Cons: I personally would be OK with my life if for some reason I can’t have kids. I enjoy the life I have made for myself. But I do feel like people could find a sense of loneliness in the DINK life. You must have a super strong foundation with your partner to want this life forever,” Piper said.

Millennial women such as Akhand are making their own choices when it comes to their own life.

The DINK lifestyle is best for them “because as a female raised in a Muslim household, I’ve always deeply craved freedom to travel, explore, live wherever I want, follow my heart and live life without too many rules…I know plenty of mothers who can do it all, but I also know myself and I think that would make me feel like I’m not doing enough either as a mother or as a career-focused woman.”

Everyone has their own reasons to choose or not choose motherhood. Nevertheless, Anderson hopes that people can learn that choosing to be a DINK is a potential option for women, especially as they “often end up taking on more of the physical, mental and child rearing load.”

“Deciding whether you want to try and have children or not is such a deeply personal choice and I’ll never try to convince people one way or another but I just want everyone to know it’s a choice they have and normalizing it by sharing my life from that perspective is my small way of helping others feel not so alone in their decision to delay having children or not have them at all,” Anderson said.