Dear Annie: My stepdaughter would love to have all traces of me disappear from the face of the earth

Dear Annie: I regularly read your well-written columns and always enjoy them. Keep up the good work!

I only wanted to mention one thing after noticing that the issue of second wives and stepdaughters has come up more than a few times.

It’s not uncommon that a man’s daughter resents the new woman in her father’s life. Depending on the female child’s age and circumstances, it might be related to the birth mother’s interference or the actual or perceived loss of the father’s attention. Some fathers lean on their daughters after a divorce for a needed emotional connection. They see the daughter more as a peer, a connection the daughter then loses after Dad connects emotionally with a new woman. Attention is a valuable commodity to women of any age.

Some have stated a stepdaughter’s hostility is inevitable in many circumstances and that in those cases, there is nothing the second wife can do to ameliorate the situation.

I am the second wife of a man whose adult daughter would love to have all traces of me disappear from the face of the earth. Otherwise, I would not have researched the subject (my area of expertise is computers!). It’s hard to have spent literally years trying to get along with someone who is determined to hate you. Fortunately, my husband is finally aware of what he did to contribute to his daughter’s hostility and has taken steps to rectify the situation; all is finally well. I would hate, however, to see another woman needlessly go through what I did.

Perhaps you can help another woman with this predicament sometime in the future. Again, my thanks for your very informative column and my best wishes to you. — Second Wife

Dear Second Wife: Thank you for sharing your experience and insights. You might have learned the hard way, but your wisdom made it all worthwhile, and no doubt will help other second spouses dealing with angry stepchildren.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].