Dear Amy: My husband’s niece is getting married. I’m so happy for her.

There has been much talk about the wedding. We already received the save-the-date.

Several wedding-related conversations have been held in front of my 12-year-old daughter.

In front of the family, I told my daughter that we could get her a beautiful dress to wear to the wedding. We then bought a dress.

Then the wedding invitation arrived in the mail: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!

I was completely devastated – to say the least.

Then, I found out that there are children attending the wedding, but they have to be over the age of 15.

My daughter was really upset when I told her that she wasn’t invited to the wedding.

I feel that the family should have taken me aside in advance to let me know my daughter was excluded.

I declined going to the wedding due to my daughter’s disappointment.

My husband plans to attend the wedding without me.

He said that he is going because his mother would be upset if he stayed home.

I am angry, hurt and upset that he has chosen his family over his daughter.

My question is, am I wrong for feeling this way?

– Angry and Hurt

Dear Angry: I won’t say that your feelings are “wrong,” so much as overabundant.

So. Much. Devastation.

Mom – get a grip!

Let’s put your feelings aside and focus on your behavior, as well as the lessons you are passing along to your daughter.

Essentially, you are teaching her that disappointment is actually devastation, and the way to cope with devastation is to insist that everyone around you must demonstrate their solidarity by also being devastated. Then everybody stays home, sulking.

Yes, the bride could have handled this differently.

But the good news to pass along to your daughter is that she won’t always be 12.

She will age out of these social exclusions and mature enough to handle her disappointments with a sense of balance.

And now … will you?

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.