Dear Annie: How do I convince my wife to fall back âin loveâ with me?

Dear Annie: I will be married to my wife for 10 years this November. We have a beautiful 9-year-old daughter together. Over the years, the subject of separation/divorce has poked its ugly head in and out. It didn’t start because of just one act or disagreement, but it didn’t start just yesterday either. For the record, I believe that the good memories outweigh the bad. Every time my wife brings up the topic, I feel like I just received multiple instantaneous wounds to my body from my own soul, from my best friend, the pain of which remains slow and torturous.

The more I beg and cry, the more I feel like I am choking. I wish I could flip a switch and make everything right, but my wife is not easily convinced. Showing her my anger does not work; showing her my tearful emotions does not work. I cannot nor do I want to see any light of life past my daughter and wife.

No matter how much verbiage and intent she throws in my face, I refuse to give up. I love my wife until death do us part. I completely understand that there is not a universal answer to the following question. Although I am sincerely apologetic about my mistakes and acts of abandonment in our past, how do I convince my wife to fall back “in love” with me, not to just “love me,” through thick and thin till death do us part? — Desperate to Not Divorce

Dear Desperate: I can tell by your letter that the love you have for your family is deep and pure. Unfortunately, no matter how badly we want things reciprocated, we cannot force others into feeling the same way for us that we feel for them.

If your wife is willing to work together and push through your issues, couples therapy is the right place to start. Every marriage has its peaks and valleys; through honest, open communication, perseverance and compromise, I am confident you can come out stronger on the other side, provided your wife is committed to doing so.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].