Dear Annie: I just read the advice to “Teen With No Experience,” the high school girl who wants to lose her virginity. I thought I might give a different perspective from a male point of view. I lost my virginity at far too young an age. At the time, I thought getting “experience” was the thing to do. When I met my future wife, she was a virgin, in her 20s. We got married, and I was hit with something that to this day (20 years later) still has an effect on me: The excitement of our first time together was not everything it could have been because of my gaining experience prior to her.

It was exciting because it was with her and because I love her, but I realized that each time I gained experience, I gave away part of myself that I could never get back. What I lost was getting to experience the joys of learning about intimacy together with my wife. I’m not saying that “Teen” should be celibate, but if I had it to do over again, I would have waited. Young people, myself included, often treat sex as something they need to accomplish rather than something to experience with someone they love. — Male Perspective

Dear Male Perspective: Thank you for offering your point of view. I couldn’t agree more that sex is not something that should be “accomplished,” and you make a strong case for why it’s wise to wait. Your last sentence reminds me of something another reader wrote in response to this letter: “Sex is not a milestone like acne or shaving. Sex is actually the glue that turns a friendship into a loving lifetime commitment.”

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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