DEAR ABBY: Forty years ago, my husband had an affair that left me emotionally damaged. I took him back when he asked, and we went on with our lives — well, HE did. Even today, if I hear a song from that time or her name, I freak out. When I remember how he told me he loved her, something inside me dies.

I went to counseling, but all I got from it was a bill I couldn’t afford. He treats me well and says “I love you” every day, yet the cut is still fresh and deep. Any suggestions? — LIKE YESTERDAY IN FLORIDA

DEAR LIKE YESTERDAY: After 40 years of torturing yourself, the memory of your husband’s transgression has become ingrained. By holding onto this, you are only hurting yourself. You took him back after the affair but have never truly forgiven him, which is why you cannot let it go. Consider consulting another licensed mental health professional to see if there is any way for you to obliterate the intrusive memory of his betrayal.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.