Dear Annie: How can I avoid my toxic siblings as executor of our motherâs estate?

Dear Annie: I have a complicated relationship with my siblings. I’m the youngest of four. Now, in my late 40s, I don’t speak to any of my siblings or their kids. It’s like I’m an only child and they don’t exist. My dad has passed, and I’m close to my mother, and there’s always been jealousy due to that. Jealousy growing up, jealousy with my children being spoiled over theirs, and I understand that. But that’s not why I don’t speak to them. I don’t speak to them because they all talk smack about each other and do nothing but lie about each other.

I stepped away from that toxic crap many years ago. I don’t have social media, but between us four, we do have mutual friends and aunts and uncles and cousins. And they still talk trash and make up lies about me like they saw me last week when I have not seen them in years. I don’t know anything about them or my nieces or nephews because I don’t care, and I also don’t bring them up in conversation.

My mother has made me executor of her estate when she passes, which is sure to cause an issue because last year she changed it from my oldest sister to me, and I don’t think she told her. I already told my mother since I see her several times a week, vacation with her and help her often that when she passes, I won’t be going to her funeral, and she is very OK with that.

I am asking if it is possible that she have the lawyer put in writing upon her death that my siblings only contact the lawyer about questions pertaining to the will and not me? Is there such a thing? I just don’t want to have to associate with that when I am grieving. –– Is It Possible?

Dear Possible: You will have to consult a lawyer to see if such a legal protection is even an option in your state, but I would advise you to address your relationship with your siblings directly rather than roping your mother into it.

It sounds like you’ve made your peace with the estrangement, and you clearly have a wonderful relationship with your mother, but demanding a guarantee from her from beyond the grave that you will never have to interact with your siblings would be a painful request for any parent to receive. After your mother’s death, if you don’t wish to discuss legal matters with your siblings, you can communicate with them through a lawyer.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].