Dear Annie: I wish people would stop lying and be honest about their feelings

Dear Annie: A prominent man in my church died this past week, and his funeral was yesterday. When the church sent out an email blast to the membership announcing his passing, it gave the date and time of the funeral, along with burial information to follow at the church cemetery.

Shortly after getting this email, two days prior to the funeral, I reached out to one of the deceased’s sons by email to offer condolences and stated that I would plan to be there for them.

He replied a short time later thanking me for the condolences and support but said that the funeral was going to be just “for family,” but later in the fall there will be another memorial service and I might consider attending that one.

I doubted that the funeral was limited to family based on the way that the church had worded the email notice, by providing the details, but as he is in mourning, I will give him a pass. Annie, I drove by the church parking lot while the funeral was in progress, and it was packed! No way could it have been limited to just their family!

It is beyond me why someone would do this when there were alternatives. For example, I could have sat in an “overflow room” if space was a concern, or I could have just gone to the cemetery, but that was his wish, and I honored it.

My point in sharing this story: Please do not give a false reason when you do not want someone at an event, because the chances are pretty good that your lie will be discovered. — Mourning Bad Manners

Dear Mourning: Your point is a good one. Honesty is the best policy and prevents us from ever being caught in a lie. That said, in this particular situation, it is probably best to give the son the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he was misinformed, or perhaps he simply wasn’t thinking straight. Regardless, it is commendable that you wanted to be there for a member of your community in his time of need.

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