Honey is coming in hot this morning about the patriarchy, so hang on tight.

If the insecurity and weaponized incompetence of men have been filling your timeline as it has been ours, then this week’s newsletter is most definitely for you, because we are cutting all the weakest links and scrubs off at the knees.

The latest Jonah Hill and Darius Jackson (Keke Palmer’s baby daddy) fiascos have got us all reeling and talking about men’s uncanny attempts to control a woman’s body.

We could name a grocery list of songs that encapsulate the scrubbiness of men, but to be frank, it feels like no matter how you shield for red flags, trust your gut, manage your emotions or talk to your therapist, you can never plan for how your partner will embarrass you in these streets.

Let’s dive into the bullsh*t of it all.

TLDR:

Last week Darius Jackson, the father of Keke Palmer’s baby, publicly disparaged Palmer’s ensemble when she was photographed singing with Usher at his Las Vegas residency. Days later, Sarah Brady, ex-girlfriend of Jonah Hill, shared text messages from Hill sent during their relationship misusing “therapy-speak” to control the photos Brady posts on social media, the company she keeps, and the outfits she wears. Most of the internet was quick to drop the hammer on the controlling partners of accomplished women and equated the tactics to emotional abuse.

Here’s The Thing:

“Boundaryless” isn’t even a word, Jonah. We know he is up to date on all the soft language used by therapized men as exemplified in the documentary he made about himself—er I mean, his therapist. But “boundaryless” isn’t one of them. Sorry y’all, we had to get that off our chests first. Journalism or something.

But here’s the thing, many of us think we are above getting stuck in a controlling, abusive relationship. “It could never be me.” But everyone suffers under patriarchy. No matter the level of celebrity, proximity to power, education, amount of therapy, we all can get caught next to a man (or woman) with unchecked power hunger disguised as respect. Oh, and while we’re talking about respect, can we just all agree that there is no dress code for motherhood?

The Takeaway:

Dump him (or her.) But seriously, leave. Or at the very least demand better. Don’t get stuck in the secrecy shame spiral. Tell someone. Share your communication with a friend. You’re not crazy. Abuse can take many forms, and ultimatums about dress codes, friend choices, and hobbies are definitely not personal boundaries. So, speak up. There’s power in saying the quiet part out loud; and know the signs of abuse.

Required reading/listening: