This is an opinion column

The sound of the blow dryer woke me. It was most peculiar because the owner of said blow dryer was asleep in the bed next to me. Investigating further, I discovered my teenage son perfecting what I can only identify as the southern fraternity flip with his bangs. I must confess that his hair swoosh was indeed impressive. Raising four boys in the Southern wild is so unbelievably strange, yet I’m increasingly convinced it may be my most important task on this Earth.

After years in politics, business, and media, I’ve realized that everyone is coming for my kids. If you’re a parent who can’t accept that basic premise, you’re delusional.

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Just take YouTube for example. My kids are their customers. They want to know everything about them. Hopes, dreams, and fears matter to their company’s bottom line. YouTube’s responsive algorithms will instantly put my children in touch with what they want. Connecting them with what they need is a different matter entirely.

Simply complaining about cultural influences isn’t going to cut it. Avoiding them altogether isn’t really practical.

The question for me is whether I want to know my children as deeply as YouTube. When my son is rocking the blow dryer to make his hair look like he’s been wearing a dirty ball cap for a week, do I even want to ask?

I’ve learned that my answer must be a resounding “Yes!”

Parental fears over indoctrination have always existed. Fifth century Athenians executed Socrates for corrupting the youth. It’s always easy to blame other people for warping young minds. Teaching them is much more difficult.

So what does that look like?

If I pepper my boys with questions, I get one answer: “Good.” My boys speak in code.

Frequently my 13-year-old asks, “Dad, will you throw the ball with me?” This is as much an opportunity to talk as it is a chance to toss the pigskin. We talk about discipline, work ethic, and resilience while he’s running routes.

My oldest son shoots the basketball when he wants to talk. He’s only been with us for a few months, so I’m meeting him in his space as opposed to bringing him into mine. We talk about what it means to be a man, to protect others, and honor God with what we say and do.

Each of my sons wants to know I’m interested in them before they’ll open up to me. YouTube doesn’t have anything on a father or mother who actively engages a child.

My wife and I are almost maniacal about the influences in our boys’ lives. We know the teachers, curriculum, coaches, and pastors. If a voice is speaking to our children, we make sure it’s consistent with our values and faith. If it’s contradictory, we address it.

In a weird way, YouTube, TikTok, and other social media outlets are honest. They’re just computer programs. Linger on a topic or type of media, and they’ll feed you more. They’re character mirrors. While we don’t allow much screen time in our house, I regularly check to see what type of content is recommended for my boys. While I find it strange, I’m actually okay with them watching Minecraft videos from time to time.

My boys all know I can see their search histories. No topic is off limits for a Google search, so nothing can be off limits for a conversation with me. At times, it’s insanely uncomfortable.

Our children are exposed to adult issues at young ages. When my sons are asking me about transgendered individuals, I can’t dodge. I tell them that we treat everyone with dignity and respect because God made them. Then I ask them questions. We dig through the issues until we reach resolutions that make sense and are consistent with God’s word.

My older two boys are getting to the point where they’re engaging women. In a house where mom is the only woman, how I treat her is critically important. To be clear, my wife is no fragile flower. She’s more like an iron cactus with sharp teeth. My boys have made the mistake of trying to flex on her, and like a hockey center, she puts them into the wall.

I’m not going to lie. That’s kinda hot.

That said, we don’t shy away from any of the topics. Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll are all fair game. My wife and I don’t love the conversations all the time, but we must engage the conversations where and when they occur.

If we don’t, cultural influencers will fill in the blanks. I want to be the trusted voice in the lives of my children. If they think we’re holding out on them with critical information, they won’t rely on us as they get older. We simply cannot allow that to happen.

I know parenting is a tall order. We’re tired. They’re not. We’re getting old. They’re not. Our brains are fully developed. Theirs aren’t. It’s not about being a superstar parent; it’s just about showing up for the young people we love…over and over again.

If you’re worried about cultural indoctrination, spend more time engaging your children. There’s no substitute for parental time and attention. Show up, and you can indeed compete with the most sophisticated technology in human history for the hearts and souls of your children. If we’re forced to endure some exotic hair styles along the way, it’s a small price to pay.

Smith is a recovering political attorney with four boys, two dogs, and an extremely patient wife. He engages media, business, and policy through the Triptych Foundation and Triptych Media. Please direct outrage or agreement to [email protected] or @DCameronSmith on Twitter.