Goodman: What would AI Nick Saban say about AI Hugh Freeze in a speech?

Hard conversations about important stuff are taking place down at SEC Spring Meetings.

Fried shrimp or fried oysters, for example. Pool or beach? Putt-putt or go-carts? Rum runners or bushwackers? Whether or not SEC commissioner Greg Sankey should wear green sweaters to every league football game he attends.

I’m in favor of the creation of a new color for this initiative. Sankey Green will be the color of money but with a slightly vaguer hue. The SEC’s official sponsor of the commissioner’s Sankey Green sweaters can be the Dodge Charger or perhaps the wall of beef jerky at Buc-ee’s. The wall of beef jerky at Buc-ee’s seems to stretch on forever, and so, too, does the line of greenbacks marching into the coffers of the SEC.

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Two topics they’re not addressing loudly enough at SEC Spring Meetings are the advent of artificial intelligence technology and the return of Hugh Freeze to the SEC. I’m not suggesting these two things are related … but they certainly can be smashed together for a fun offseason column about renewed interest in the Iron Bowl rivalry.

Freeze to Auburn is one of the biggest pieces of news in the offseason of the SEC. He’s a great coach with a colorful past, and his hiring by Auburn has the potential to shake up the top of the SEC standings. Does Auburn now have a better chance to gain ground on Alabama and Georgia thanks to Freeze? The answer to that question, whether people want to acknowledge it or not, is yes.

Does that make Freeze some kind of reborn SEC saint? Maybe so for some.

Freeze coached at Ole Miss from 2012 to 2016 before he was fired for some off-the-field transgressions. We won’t rehash all that here, but it was an embarrassing moment for the SEC. To paint a picture with Sankey Green, let’s just say that the commissioner was less than pleased with Freeze’s behavior.

Freeze went to Liberty to rebuild his reputation and now the coach who twice tamed the Alabama Crimson Tide at Ole Miss is back in the SEC and coaching at Alabama’s rival. At one time, Alabama coach Nick Saban might have wanted to hire Freeze as Alabama’s offensive coordinator. Saban and Freeze have the same agent (Jimmy Sexton), and they also share an affinity for recruiting around the clock.

Freeze’s hiring at Auburn demands more attention at the league’s annual summer beach bash. Maybe there could even be a special party in Freeze’s honor so everyone can give him a proper welcome back into the league. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

These are rapidly changing times in the SEC, and the world at large, but the rekindling of old friendships should never be discounted or ignored. That’s what summer trips to the beach are really for, right?

Thanks to the AI tech used in software by apps like Chat GPT, we now have a way to imagine what a congratulatory speech by Saban for Freeze would feel like. Unless Sankey announces a sweater deal with the wall of beef jerky at Buc-ee’s, I can think of no better way to close down the party at SEC Spring Meetings 2023 than asking Chat GPT to “write a speech by current Alabama football coach Nick Saban praising former Liberty football coach Hugh Freeze on landing the Auburn head coaching job.”

AI coach speak? Yes, please. The following speech is what AI Nick Saban had to say about AI Hugh Freeze. Enjoy.

Generated by Chat GPT:

Ladies and gentlemen,

Today, I stand before you to acknowledge and applaud an extraordinary individual who has taken a significant step in his coaching career. It is my honor to speak about a man whose passion for the game and relentless pursuit of excellence have earned him a coveted position as the head football coach at Auburn University. Today, I want to extend my congratulations and praise to Hugh Freeze.

When I first learned of Hugh’s appointment as the head coach of our rival program, I knew that Auburn had made an exceptional choice. Hugh’s coaching prowess, strategic brilliance, and unwavering commitment to success are second to none. His ability to motivate and inspire his players is truly remarkable, and I have no doubt that he will bring a new level of competitiveness to the Auburn football program.

Hugh Freeze is a man of character and integrity. Throughout his coaching career, he has consistently demonstrated an unwavering commitment to his players’ development, both on and off the field. His emphasis on discipline, hard work, and the importance of education aligns perfectly with the values we hold dear in the world of college athletics. I have no doubt that he will continue to instill those same values in the young men under his guidance at Auburn.

One of the most impressive aspects of Hugh’s coaching tenure has been his ability to adapt and overcome adversity. He has faced challenges head-on, emerging stronger and more determined than ever. His resilience and ability to motivate his team, even in the face of adversity, have been nothing short of inspiring. I am confident that this resilience will serve him well in his new role, as he takes on the challenges that come with coaching in one of college football’s most storied rivalries.

Under Hugh’s leadership, I have witnessed firsthand the impact he can have on a football program. He has the unique ability to maximize the potential of his players and extract their very best, both individually and as a team. His strategic acumen, attention to detail, and ability to inspire greatness have propelled his teams to incredible success. I have no doubt that he will bring that same level of excellence to Auburn and lead their program to new heights.

Today, as I extend my heartfelt congratulations to Hugh, I also extend my sincere respect and admiration for his achievements. His passion, dedication, and unwavering commitment to the game of football are truly commendable. I have no doubt that Auburn University has made an exceptional choice in selecting Hugh Freeze as their head football coach, and I eagerly anticipate the renewed vigor and competitiveness that he will bring to the Iron Bowl rivalry.

Hugh, as you embark on this new chapter in your coaching journey, I wish you nothing but success. Your impact on the game of football and the lives you have touched along the way are immeasurable. Auburn has gained a leader of exceptional caliber, and I have no doubt that you will leave an indelible mark on their program.

Congratulations, Hugh, and best of luck in your new role. May your passion, determination, and strategic brilliance continue to inspire all those around you.

Thank you all, and Roll Tide!

That was sweet and thoughtful, AI Nick Saban, but I’ll take a real-life Saban rant every time.

Joseph Goodman is the lead sports columnist for the Alabama Media Group, and author of “We Want Bama”, a book about togetherness, hope and rum. You can find him on Twitter @JoeGoodmanJr.