Dear Annie: I am 41 and was adopted at birth in a closed adoption. For medical reasons, it was necessary for me to contact my birth mother to obtain information. Since that time, she and I have communicated, though the contact has been limited. She lives far away but has several family members in our area.

I do not wish to hurt their feelings, but I, my parents and siblings are all very upset that they post comments on my Facebook postings of my children and sign them Grandpa and Gramma, Aunt and Uncle, etc. I want them to understand that adoption ceased their relationship, and those titles are for my family members only.

I want to maintain a cordial relationship but never expected that they would post such titles that are confusing to my family and friends. My wife says block them, but I feel guilty, as I allowed them in, never thinking they would cross such boundaries. I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this situation. — Birth Family Boundaries

Dear Boundaries: Listen to your wife. But first, tell your biological mother how these messages are causing confusion and pain to the family that brought you up, and ask them to please stop. If they persist, then your wife has the right idea — block them from your social media.

Dear Readers: A great many of you wrote in about the letter “Estranged” and gave lots of clarification on what the ex-spouse’s benefits are. Below are two letters that address the issue. Thank you all for your feedback.

Dear Annie: If you have been married for 10 years, you can collect spouse’s Social Security benefits regardless of whether there is a divorce. I know this because I missed it by one month. — Bad Timing

Dear Bad Timing: Wow. Only a month? Too bad. Thanks for sharing.

Dear Annie: This is regarding the letter from “Estranged” about Social Security benefits. You might be interested to know that when divorced, if you meet the criteria, you can choose to receive either 50% of your ex-spouse’s benefit or your own benefit (whichever is higher) once you reach retirement age.

Not only may divorced spouses find themselves living on one salary (instead of possibly one much higher salary, or even two), but they may be unable to get a high-paying job due to having been out of the workforce for years. Examples are stay-at-home or part-time working parents.

The Social Security rules can help protect the lower-income spouse from being forced into total poverty at retirement age. Due to the plethora of choices that met the needs of their family at that time, they might have been contributing less or nothing to Social Security for years and not building up their own SS contributions on a yearly basis, and they may not have a 401(k). Personal SS benefits are based on your top 35 years of income.

This is just the tip of complicated Social Security rules for beneficiaries. This does not address many other possible situations and variations. I think everyone should be aware of Social Security benefits and rules early on, and keep up with changes way before retirement. — Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for addressing an important issue, especially with so many baby boomers applying for Social Security. I would recommend going to https://www.SSA.gov, which explains in detail how spouses can claim benefits even after a divorce.

View prior ‘Dear Annie’ columns

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

COPYRIGHT 2023 CREATORS.COM