Dear Eric: Sarah and I have been friends for 20 years. In that time, our families have become close, even going on holiday together several times.

Initially, I was also a stay-at-home mom, like she is, but now I hold a job where I keep very long hours and am responsible for the welfare of more than a hundred very vulnerable people.

I have tried to keep in touch, even as my life has become busier, and it tends to fall to me to organize get-togethers.

In the last year, I have experienced the loss of a parent. Now I am supporting my remaining parent, who is in rapidly declining health, as well as paying bills and arranging home care. This requires frequent visits several hundred miles away. My husband has also had significant health concerns and has required a great deal of support. Sarah is aware of all of this.

Two months ago, I received a text from Sarah berating me for my lack of attention. She said that if we could make time for each other when the kids were small and life was busier, then she didn’t understand why I wasn’t making time for her now. Eric, my life has never been so busy!

I replied as kindly as I could, and offered several suggestions for us to catch up, including inviting her to my home for dinner. I have had no response since.

My instinct is telling me that this isn’t friendship, and that I should quietly walk away and focus on the many other worries and responsibilities that I have. Sarah is very volatile – she once cut me off for more than a year due to an imaginary slight. However, I really do care about Sarah, and I am worried that she is genuinely hurting.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I try again to reach out? Or do I accept that more than 20 years of friendship are now over?

– Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed: Trust your instincts. Sarah may, indeed, be hurting, but it isn’t because of anything you’ve done. Moreover, by taking that hurt out on you, she’s created chaos when what you need is care. She’s not being a good friend right now and I’m sorry for that because you need a friend. What you’re going through is incredibly tough and taxing. These periods in our lives require the empathy and active support of those who love us.

Though it’s unfair, take her recent silence as a gift. At some point, when you have more bandwidth, you may want to talk with her about how her behavior affected you. And I hope she’s able to make amends. But right now, focus your energy on people who can show up for you and help you carry your load.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.