Dear Eric: On a recent crowded cross-country flight with no empty seats, I was between my girlfriend to my right and, at the window, a very large man (300 pounds, I’d guess) whose arms and legs took up at least a quarter of my tight space. He said nothing by way of acknowledging his size or apologizing if he was spreading into my assigned area. I didn’t say anything either – and what could I have said?

What’s the etiquette here? Should I have asked the flight attendant for help? Requested a partial refund? I truly felt like there are some people who are simply occupying too much space in the world, but of course it’s rude to say so. Is this something one just has to tolerate if one expects that sooner or later someone for some reason may find me equally annoying? I was inwardly fuming the whole five-hour trip.

– Flying and Fuming

Dear Flying: You should have called over the flight attendant and said, “I seem to think I’m the only person in the world. Could you help disabuse me of this notion?” It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone – regardless of their size – to mind the divisions in airline seats, especially if you’re in the middle. But, when you start policing other people’s bodies, which is what’s going on in your letter, you make having “the wrong body” a crime. Those quotation marks are locked in place because the definition of “the wrong body” is a slippery slope.

The other passenger didn’t owe you an apology for being. If he was spreading into your area, a simple conversation could have diffused your fuming and reaffirmed your shared humanity. You don’t exist in a vacuum, even when sealed in a metal tube that’s hurtling through the air.

Moreover, no one is “occupying too much space in the world.” If you don’t want to be bothered by the burden of existing with other humans, next time buy a second seat, or the whole row.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.