Dear Eric: I don’t suppose I am the only one who feels ghosted by friends and family in their slow response time to texts. I am curious as to what is the courteous time to respond to texts.

I have friends that respond in minutes and family that respond in an hour which I find courteous.

I am more concerned about those that take hours and some take days. It really is concerning when I answer their text questions promptly and then am ghosted for hours or days wondering what they thought of my answers.

I feel ghosted. Why did they ask for my input and then they don’t respond for hours or days. I am just curious if I should not even text these friends and family instead pick up the phone and call them the old-fashioned way knowing I probably will get their voicemail.

– Ghosted

Dear Ghosted: This may be an unpopular opinion for some, but I’m a big fan of a phone call, especially if you need a quicker answer and the person is a slow texter. You might also try a voice note, to which some people respond more quickly than they do a text.

I’d encourage you to reframe your thinking about this. While it may feel like ghosting – and it’s certainly frustrating to not get replies to texts for hours or days – in most cases it’s probably less about you than it is about the way the person you texted uses their phone. Texting is prevalent these days but it’s not particularly natural for everyone. Many people’s schedules or lives or temperaments aren’t set up to respond at a moment’s notice, in writing to boot. It’s very different from swinging by someone’s cubicle at work or talking to a neighbor on the porch. So, when you’re finding yourself not getting the response you want, consider that it’s not a rejection but rather simply information about how the text recipient moves through the world. This person may not be a good texter; doesn’t make them a bad friend, per se.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.