Editor’s note: The Press-Register holds exclusive global rights to reportage of the Masked Observer, a mysterious denizen of the Leisure Class who covers the local Mardi Gras scene.

Folly and death. Mirth and mystery. Bacchanalia and Lent. Our favorite season is rife with Carnival incongruities, and each year new knots are twisted by the way our citizenry celebrates, from Edie Elite all the way to Joe Shmoe. A true Observer sees the contrast within Mardi Gras, and for 30 years it’s been this masked marauder’s pleasure to share the inside view.

One major trend that has been emerging post-plague is the eruption of “scroll parties” within certain organizations, requesting the participation of future leading ladies — as well as knights and kings Felix — in the simmering Carnival season. What started off as cocktail parties at some of the tonier Bay area addresses has morphed into the sort of soiree only the likes of Ron Barrett could design, held in much larger venues. In these more platinum of settings, scrolls are read inviting young men and women to lead the fun, often at a cost that bloomed into five figures.

The Masked One loves a good party, and since so many organizations still humble him with invitations gratis, he spends the year in perpetual gratitude for the access. And considering the financial prowess represented in the return addresses on each envelope, the Observer rarely spends much time wondering who’s signing the checks, or if the amounts are big enough to warrant a giant novelty version on display near the 18th Hole.

That is until rumblings started arriving on the trade winds approaching Goat Island that the craze of these generational mystics being honored via splendiferous new celebrations was at least in part being subsidized by another hot trend: crowdsourcing. According to sources, last year some families mined their communal mailing lists and sent out opportunities to friends, and friends of friends of friends, to financially support the impending festivities via donation, or “hosting” as it was called. Considering the valiance represented in those return email addresses, one would guess the contribution requested of such a “host” would far outpace a simple cover charge for admission.

Word is no expense was spared, regardless of where the funding came from.

Order of Dragons

There was nothing ironic about the Order of Dragons’s 135th annual fete on Feb. 3, as it was first-class all the way. Dark Hallway and Floral Headpiece — our own Dynastic Duo — were elated to discover that the event was returned to its traditional perch at the Country Club of Mobile, after a brief run in 2022 at Cotton Hall.

Nothing against the Infant Mystics den, but the Crewe d’Observe was shocked by how hard it was for the Dragons’s guests to navigate that historic floor plan in 2022. Whether due to the limitless cascade of refreshments or ancient cobblestones, their stumbles smoothed out gracefully upon the ball’s return to Wimbledon Drive for 2023. For this year’s event, the Dragons hired the Main Attraction, a band of R&B titans focused on keeping the dance floor crowded and rowdy. They accomplished both for four straight hours, which even left Floral Headpiece appreciably exhausted.

It’s a tribute to the youthfulness of the MCA debutantes, all in their pink Camellia Ball gowns, who never wavered as they sang and pranced along to the Attraction’s relentless musical talent. Always one to exercise his gut before his hips, Dark Hallway noshed on roast beef sandwiches and bacon-wrapped crackers as the night wore on.

Order of Polka Dots

Speaking of reliable traditions, less than a week later the Masked Observer stopped in for his annual cavalcade with the lovely Order of Polka Dots. For their 74th celebration, the exuberant group of ladies picked an incredible theme for their massive Mobile Civic Center ball. On Thursday night the Dots transformed into “80s Ladies.” Predictably, the theme as well as the hostesses were enough to have Dark Hallway drooling.

The weather held out for the Polka Dots, who rolled in after their raucous, downtown parade and began their tableau with the traditional opener featuring the group’s frisky Gypsy Queen emblem. After a twirl around the arena, she paused for a quick selfie with emcee Matt McCoy before he introducing Queen Donna and her court. It was a delight to see the Queen in such good spirits, and her subjects were all the better for it.

Hallway’s fondest Big 80s fantasies were fully realized as the parading groups pranced through the tableau. Beetlejuice babes, Caddy Shack golfers, Care Bears, Fantasy Islanders and Love Boaters all partied in and beyond the spotlight. But it was the werewolf ball leader who put on wicked “Thriller” moves in her Michael Jackson regalia who earned the night’s first Mellow MoonPie Award. The cheers she earned were only a few decibels louder than those bestowed on the Madonnas in ripped lace tights and perky hair bows.

“That’s how I remember the Material Girl,” said Floral Headpiece, who gave the maskers an honorable mention for vim and vigor. The Top Gun ladies also got props for their sexy green dresses and combat boots, and for their obvious theme song, “You Dropped a Bomb on Me.”

After elegant Queen Donna’s promenade, guests danced to Journey 2 Mars and the Tip Tops in the main arena, as well as country rocker Bruce Smelley and Keith “The Mailman” Burns on the outer stages.

In roaming the crowded halls, the masked coterie nibbled on an amazing array of offerings, including jambalaya, shrimp étouffée and sausage balls. Of particular note were the savory, made-to-order breakfast quesadillas and Mickey Mouse waffles in the Queen’s Room.