Dear Eric: I’m not sure how to feel. I have been married for 37 years. About 43 years ago my husband (who was not my husband then) had a one-night hookup. The woman is now with my husband’s brother. It is very uncomfortable and awkward for him and me.

I don’t feel right being in the same room with her. We have decided not to attend family functions if she will be there. I guess I wanted your advice. We are just doing what we feel is right. My husband is very supportive. Thoughts?

– Avoiding an Ex

Dear Avoiding: I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t feel the way you feel. But I would love it if you asked a couple of questions about those feelings. While I understand how the initial reunion might be awkward, 43 years is a long time and I’m curious what the nature of the lingering discomfort is.

Maybe this is the only other person, besides you, who has been intimate with your husband. If that’s the case, you might take comfort in the fact that she doesn’t really know your husband. You’ve had 37 years of marriage; they had one night. They’re essentially strangers.

I only push this because it would be a shame for you to cut off your family over this. Isolation can be dangerous. The past has power, but sometimes we give it more power than it needs. You don’t have to be friends with her or even talk to her. But try not to let one night in the past rob you of days of joy and community in the present.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.