Dear Eric: I have been married nearly 35 years. We and my husband’s family all live a few blocks from each other.

My husband’s father passed away a year ago. My husband coordinated a family outing to the beach for Father’s Day. We found out that his brother hosted his mother and sister for a barbecue down the block after the gathering. We were not invited. His mother said we were invited but we said we hadn’t been because no one texted.

We previously hosted Mother’s Day and a get together for his brother’s birthday. What should I do other than shake my head at the blatant disrespect?

– Left Out

Dear Left Out: Well, it depends on what’s really going on here. Is this slight part of an on-going pattern that has slowly worn you down over the last 35 years? Or is this something new, perhaps related to the relationship between your husband and his brother?

Or is it possible that the brother and mother simply assumed that you and your husband would come over?

Without more to go on, I have to switch to more general advice for being left out of invitations, particularly with family: assume the best and communicate the truth as you see it. You felt disrespected and your feelings are valid, but they’re not going to go away without working through them. Part of that work can be telling your brother-in-law that you would’ve liked to join the barbecue and asking that he text you directly next time. The second part is crucial – you wouldn’t be simply pointing out a problem in the past, you’d be making a suggestion for a more communicative future.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.