Dear Eric: My oldest sister passed away recently after a lengthy illness. My husband’s first cousins have responded with calls, cards and messages except for one of his cousins. We attended the funeral of this cousin’s mother last year, in another city, sent flowers and my husband spoke at the service.

I have yet to receive any acknowledgment from this cousin, even though she and her husband are aware of the death.

I am hurt and bewildered since they were at our home only a few months ago and they speak to my husband weekly.

I have not mentioned this to my husband as he and his cousin are close. She and her husband are retired and seem to do a lot of entertaining, so I don’t think they are too busy to call or send a card.

I always believed that as soon as someone heard about a passing, it was appropriate to reach out to the person grieving. It has been only about 10 days since my sister’s death.

Am I being unreasonable?

– Unacknowledged

Dear Unacknowledged: Here’s some truths: grief manifests itself in all kinds of insidious ways. Even though your sister’s illness was lengthy, this part of grief is new, and a lot of hard things are going to come up. I’m not judging you for the way you feel, and I hope you won’t either. Another truth: when we experience loss, it’s important for those who care about us to reach out. That didn’t happen in the case of your husband’s cousin, and it hurts. I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re experiencing this hurt.

Talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. I hope he’ll listen without judgment, too. He can be an intermediary, nudging his cousin to make sure you know they care. Sometimes people don’t know what to say. Sometimes they fear they’ve missed the chance. Your husband can remind them of these additional truths: it’s never too late and sometimes it can be enough to say, “I’m sorry; I’m here; I love you.”

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.