Dear Eric: For more than five years I have been having a single friend and her two kids over to dinner weekly. This started after her philandering, narcissistic husband, who had been having an affair while she was nearing term with a difficult pregnancy and hospitalized, left her for the other woman while my friend was on maternity leave with the new preemie and the older child.

I ceased contact with the philanderer/deserter and have never spoken to the girlfriend (now wife), and I don’t intend to. Their divorce, because of the complexities of rearing children between two households, remains fraught, and the children are suffering because of it.

But they are moving into a house on the street where I live, and where I am friendly with everyone else.

How do I navigate this? I want to remain a steady presence in the children’s lives but have nothing to do with the narcissistic household.

– Pseudo Grandparent

Dear Grandparent: You can hold the line with the ex-husband. Not every neighbor needs to be your friend. But since you have a relationship with the kids and with their mom, you might talk to your friend about the new arrangement and ask her how you can best be supportive. It will probably be very helpful for the kids to have a place on the block that they know is safe and supportive. They may not yet be old enough to come visit on their own, so for now your weekly dinners may have to suffice. But continuing this tradition will strengthen the relationship you’re building and help them – the kids and your friend – to see you as a crucial support.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.