Dear Annie: I’m struggling with how to handle my mother-in-law, “Karen.” My husband, “Jake,” and I have been married for five years, and we just had our first baby, “Emily,” three months ago.

Since Emily was born, Karen has been over constantly. At first, I appreciated her help, but now it feels like she’s taking over. She drops by unannounced, critiques how I feed and dress Emily, and insists on holding her the entire time she’s here. If I take Emily back, Karen pouts or says passive-aggressive things like, “I guess I’m not needed.” She once even commented on how quickly I’m “dropping the baby weight,” which I guess was supposed to be a compliment, but it made me uncomfortable.

Jake thinks it’s no big deal, but it’s making me anxious in my own home. I don’t want to start a big fight, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m competing with my own child’s grandmother. How do I set boundaries without causing a family rift? — Feeling Pushed Aside

Dear Feeling Pushed Aside: Boundaries aren’t about starting fights. They’re about protecting your well-being.

Talk to Jake first, and let him know how important it is that you feel in control in your own home, especially now that you have a baby. Together, you can calmly but firmly communicate some ground rules to Karen.

If she pouts or makes a passive-aggressive comment, let her. It’s not your responsibility to manage her emotions.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].