Dear Eric: My husband has been deceased for nearly a decade. Recently, I was going through his leftover files. For years he insisted that his ex-wife had lied to his children, telling them that he abandoned the family, didn’t want the children and never paid child support. I have found letters, from 60 years ago, that his lawyer sent to him verifying that he did not abandon the family but paid for airplane tickets for the ex-wife and four kids to the coast where his wife’s family lived. Letters also verified that he was trying to get custody.

What to do with these letters? Three of the four kids had nothing to do with their father, except to guilt money out of him. He was asked to pay for weddings or trips but not included in any of the family events. The ex-wife has been deceased longer than my husband. Do I keep letters, burn them or contact the wife of one of the children to see if there is any discussion of their father over holidays and special family events?

– Shared History

Dear History: I understand your impulse to set the record straight with the adult children. There’s a world where this new information might be a comfort. But I think the danger of a more negative impact is greater. So, please hold off on sharing the letters for now.

Since neither your husband nor his ex-wife is alive to give the letters context or to help heal the trauma of the separation, they could do more harm than good. Additionally, had your husband wanted to, he could have given the letters to his children himself at some point in the 50 years between their composition and his passing. Whatever his reasons for keeping them private, it’s better to honor that with discretion.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.