Dear Eric: Valentine’s Day is approaching and members of my family and friends send me “Happy Valentine’s Day” texts, knowing that I am a widow. They claim that Valentine’s is for everybody, not just couples.

I feel otherwise and this just rubs salt into my wounds. These wishes feel to me very thoughtless and insensitive. How do I respond?

– Grieving Widow

Dear Grieving Widow: Even if your family and friends have good intentions, it’s important that they hear you when you say that those intentions are having the opposite intended impact. If there are some who have repeatedly sent texts or made a point to contradict you about your own feelings, proactively asking before Valentine’s Day that they not send a message may help.

Now, it may also draw you into a debate. This is the downside. But you don’t have to debate. You’ve set a boundary and when people cross our boundaries, even with good intentions and boxes of chocolates, it’s an indication that they’re not in the right place to be in a good relationship with us.

If you’d rather not get into it in advance, you can respond on a case-by-case basis with something short and clear. “I’m not celebrating Valentine’s Day. But I’d love to hear from you on [some other holiday or important milestone].”

People can overstep in their desire to support those of us who are grieving. They may want you to “be OK” or to use the day to remember your love. They may think they’re helping. If that’s not where you are or what you want, it’s good to communicate that. It may also be helpful to remind yourself that those who aren’t in your shoes may not fully understand.

That’s not on you to fix, but it may lessen the sting. If all else fails, V-Day may be a time you want to put your phone in a drawer and do something that brings you peace.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.