DEAR MISS MANNERS: My former co-worker passed away suddenly about a year ago, and a memorial gathering is finally being held. It is being called a “celebration of her spirit” and is being held at a venue that is usually used for weddings. Should I avoid wearing black?

GENTLE READER: A good traditional funeral includes appreciation of the deceased’s life. But when this is labeled a celebration, Miss Manners worries that actual grieving is pushed aside. She has attended ones that were so determined to be cheerful that anyone who looked stricken, or actually cried, seemed out of place.

Few people will probably wear black to this event, but that should not discourage you from maintaining that symbolic respect. After all, people wear black to weddings nowadays, so it should not seem odd.

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