Dear Eric: I am in my early 70s and most of my friends are also in their 70s. I forget things now and so do my friends. But some are forgetting way more than others. So, when I talk to a friend, and they respond to something I have said before as if it were new, what do I say?

Often it is something we discussed as opposed to mentioned. And often it has been discussed more than once. It seems to be every time I talk to one friend in particular. Most of the forgotten stuff is not monumental. It can be a book or a conversation with each other.

When I forgot something with the forgetful friend, I was admonished with a strong “I told you that” and actually she did but I did not have a chance to explain why I forgot. Maybe this is a normal part of getting older or maybe I am making too much of it, but it is beginning to bother me.

– Memory Concern

Dear Memory: While the things your friend forgets may not be monumental, they could be an indication of a larger problem, so it’s good that you noticed it. Even if it’s a normal part of your friend’s aging process, keeping track of aspects that concern you, practicing patience with your friend and having calm, compassionate one-on-one conversations about what you’ve noticed, are good first steps.

The website for the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) has a 10-step guide to approaching memory concerns in others. The major components are:

Assessing the situation – noting changes, considering what else is going on, and determining if others have noticed anything wrong.

Taking action through conversation – giving specific examples of behavior you noticed and asking if your friend is concerned.

Reaching out for help – educating yourself, calling the association’s hotline, offering to attend a doctor’s visit with your friend.

Experiencing these kinds of changes in yourself and others can be scary and isolating, so I’m glad you’re looking out for your friend. You don’t have to solve the problem or even diagnose anything. There are professionals and free resources out there well-suited for that. But speaking to your friend with kindness and patience may help her feel comfortable enough to take the next step in caring for herself.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.